Do not plot against your neighbors, for they trust you. Don’t make accusations against someone who hasn’t wronged you.  Proverbs 3:29-30, NLT

     Since I was talking about negativity bias last time, I thought I would mention how we, in that same vein, tend to blame everyone else for the unhappiness we are experiencing. Carmen Berry (“Are You Having Fun Yet?”) writes, “As a single woman, I often felt there was not enough love in my life, even though for years, I looked for it. As I began therapy, I shifted from blaming men to blaming my parents. Blaming other people for my plight put me in the role of Victim and undermined my sense of power and any feelings of optimism. As the spiral continued, I shifted blame to myself. I cruelly criticized myself for being inadequate, unlovable, and unattractive.”

     Ugh. Have you been there? Are you there now? Who are you holding responsible for your unhappiness? It’s hard to stop blaming, but that makes it hard to stop being a victim.  She said we are not powerless. Maybe we learned some bad patterns from our family, but they aren’t to blame for our continuing to stay in those patterns.

     When she got really honest, Berry realized that she was afraid of intimacy and tended to associate it with painful emotions. Rather than continuing to blame, she took the time to identify her hidden fears. She writes, “As I face my fear of intimacy, I am able to recognize and embrace offers of love I previously overlooked or rejected. What are your fears? Isn’t it time to allow yourself all the joy God has made available for you?”

*Who are you blaming these days and for what? What are the fears beneath all that blame?

Father God, If all my blaming, my feelings of self-pity are truly a result of hidden fears, will You reveal those to me? Help me to identify where I stay stuck as a powerless victim, rather than moving forward in my life toward the plans You have for me. I will, by faith, press through the things that scare me that I might lay hold of all You have promised me. By the power of Your great name I pray, Amen.


Contact Rachel