Fairytales to Forgiveness

PART 1 Fairytales to Forgiveness The Backstory of this Book Our favorite stories draw us in with beauty, delight, and mystery. Capturing the reader with hope of a unique yet dazzling conclusion, the reader or viewer stays engaged in the story. At times we wonder, why am I reading this book or watching this movie? If you are reading this story, you may find yourself asking the same question. At times, you will feel as though the action is stuck, it was. In certain sections, you will wonder how the characters (us) are going to solve the dilemma, God does. There are moments that you will relate with Dan or I and probably feel overwhelmed, we did. Our story began as what seemed a beautiful beginning of peace and happiness, yet there were hints of impending danger. We ignored these warning signs until we were years into our marriage. As you read this story, our greatest hope is that you will join us in walking through the mess and choose forgiveness and healing. Why? Because it is worth it. We hope to give exhausted, angry, anxious, bitter couples supernatural hope that comes from a realization that God makes miracles out of messes. If we embrace the love of Jesus, the heart of God, and the working of the Holy Spirit, total transformation is possible. As we celebrate twenty plus anniversaries, we are very aware our story could have taken other twists and turns and ended quite differently. Right now in our life, our sons are ages 21, 17, 15, 12, and our daughter is 19. We love life together and our home is welcoming. It might not be perfectly clean…but it is full—of life, laughter, our kids and their friends. The culture of our home is what I always hoped for. The tempo is usually busy, maybe a little chaotic, yet, for the most part, we all enjoy each other. Home is a safe haven from the bustling, messy, and even dark world. However, this was not always the case. Creating a thriving culture in your home takes continual work. Building from brokenness can be exhausting. Yet, every step was worth it. Our kids are best friends and Dan and I enjoy relationships with each of them. While writing this, I am aware of and grateful for the power of forgiveness. It remodeled the culture of our home. Dan and I continue to embark on new adventures together embracing family, fun, serving, and the most important—our faith in Jesus. I truly believe we are living a miracle. Years ago, if you would have told me our story would be progressing this way, I would not have believed you. Before I get too far ahead, travel back with me… August 8, 2016 The salty breeze soothed my soul as I sat and listened. Surrounded by the laughter of my college girlfriends, I soaked in the serenity of the ocean view. Sitting next to five women who have known me for over half my life, I felt light and free with unspoken permission to escape to my journal and my thoughts. The endless ocean stretched out in front of us reminded me not to be content with just the sea spray of God’s love when He has an ocean of love for us. Gently, He pulled at my heart and reminded me of the journey, my pain, His miraculous power. “In this place,” I thought, “I am thankful, and I could probably bask in this joy forever.” Remembering the journey, where He (God) carried me when I did not have the strength to endure what I was called to do, caused me to whisper a simple, “Thank you!” Remembering also called me to reflect on my battle wounds and the stories of brokenness I could share with others, if I was willing to go back and navigate through the messy years to our healing. Going back would lead to sharing hope of healing. That encounter with God’s grandeur at the beach and time to reflect led me to a decision to share our story. The “what ifs” echoed in my mind. What would Dan think, how would he react if I shared the depth of my heart and its brokenness? What would our kids think? What will people we know think? Will our story change people’s perception of us? Do I want to travel back and relive painful moments? Over the sounds of my internal debate I heard this whisper from above, “Share the cracks in your life and you will bless others.” For God can turn messy into miraculous. I know because that’s our story. One Week Later Tears filled my eyes. It was as if he read my mind, “You need to write about your pain.” Dan said. “I love where we are today, and I am not sure I want to go back there.” I told him. “Pain is what ministers to people, you need to tell our story and your pain.” He replied. Love filled eyes stared at mine. We were back here. Our journey full of ups and downs brought us back to where we started, but much wiser in the process. Secretly, I had wondered if he would ever gaze at me like this again, or if I would even want him to. With a simple conversation, Dan gave me permission to share what had been stirring in my heart for some time, including his part in my pain. His part in our story of hardship and loneliness. His part in our story of redemption and grace. Our life is so full now. We are both so different now. Therefore reliving the memory of our difficult journey was more painful than I wanted to remember or write about. Confessing my bitterness and my battle to forgive is not something I am proud of. Yet God, in His goodness and grace, prompted me to write our story of redemption. God makes miracles out of messes. He gives hope to the hopeless. He brings dead things to life. I finished writing our story in 2018, but deciding to publish has taken over five years. All that to say, I invite you on our journey from fairytales to forgiveness.