Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words. Proverbs 23:9
Martha Beck is a secular writer I enjoy reading, because she’s funny. She’s also a therapist, so this paragraph will make sense to you: “Intelligent adults pay for advice so obvious that worms can follow it, then fail to act on it, then pay me to advise them again. So here and now, out of sheer guilt, I’ve decided to spell out the best—and, mysteriously, most ignored!—advice I possess. If you follow it, I guarantee the results will be positive. If you don’t, at least you won’t be alone.”
- What leaves you feeling bad, do less of. What leaves you feeling good, do more of.
Even animals follow this (hence, the worm comment); that’s how you can train them. But many clever humans turn repeatedly to the thing that ruins their health and happiness. Beck suggests that you stop before doing something and remember how it makes you feel when you do it. She says that doing this has helped her not procrastinate with writing deadlines and not eat sugar. I had a client that cried every week over the way her ex-husband talked to her and treated her, but she kept calling him anyway!
- To achieve bigger goals, take smaller steps.
This is why I never reached my goal weight! Impatience! We love huge, giant leaps—“miraculous results in just five days!” But those small baby steps? We have trouble believing they will get us there. They take too long, right?
- Lie down and rest for a while.
Seriously, how smart do you have to be? If you are chronically tired, rest. Have you ever heard of a power nap? Or just 10 minutes of totally relaxing? It works! Try to tell that to someone who constantly complains about being tired! Why do we resist common sense? Go to bed earlier!
- When you don’t know what to say, try the truth.
There’s a concept. It’s hard to be honest with people who are pushy or opinionated. But they will keep doing it (coercing and manipulating you), because it works! Say, “NO. I’d rather not.” “I’m sorry, I can’t.” “No, I don’t agree.” Despite the initial sting, it will make for better relationships for you…or those people will go manipulate someone else.
- Free yourself from dysfunctional people by refusing to try to control them.
Beck writes, “There are people in your life who, for various reasons, don’t want your truth. You may think you have to change them, but don’t even try. This is not your job—and they aren’t asking for your help. You choose for yourself. Let others choose for themselves.” (This is not easy—but not following this advice is a recipe for misery!)
There are all kinds of reasons why people continue to do things that are perpetually painful or unproductive. I know, we hate change, and we keep thinking it (or they) will get better. If you actually choose to take some of this advice, though, you might be surprised at how much easier these new habits will eventually become and how much better you will begin to feel.
*Which one of these words of advice do you need most? What will you do about it?
Lord, in Your Word, you say that people who don’t take advice are foolish. It’s true. I don’t know why I argue passionately for my right to continue negative behaviors, but that is not wisdom. And I want to be wise. Lord, help me to humble myself and be willing to take small steps to choose life. Amen.
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