Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.  Proverbs 23:9

     Dr. Henry Cloud shares that on his radio broadcast a woman called in and complained about how mean and hateful her mother acted and talked to her during the Thanksgiving holiday. He asked the caller how old she was, and the woman answered that she was forty. Cloud then asked, “Is this the first time she has ever been critical and hateful?”

     “No!’ the woman answered. “She has been like this my entire life. She has never supported me.”

     Gently, Cloud asked her, “And what was it about this particular holiday that made you think she was going to magically change and be a different person?”

     The caller got his point. It is so hard when people don’t treat us the way they “should.” But when we keep hoping that they will finally see the light and be different this time, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. We think that if we reason with them and tell the how we feel, they will “get it.” And we can try—but if time after time, nothing changes, it is called wishful thinking; it’s a nice dream.

     What we can do instead is to let go of wishful thinking and start taking responsibility for our own needs. The woman needs to get some supportive friends who care about her and encourage her, and then just accept her mother with all her limitations and love her the way she is. In fact, he says one of his clients told him, “By being responsible for my own needs, I am able to love my mother and stop giving her so much power over my life.”

     He goes on to say, “Do not get stuck in protesting reality for what it ‘ought to be.’ If you give up the demand that life and the people in it be something other than what they are, you will find creative solutions to every difficult situation. And you will be a more loving person.”

*What “reality” are you protesting?    

Lord, I have been looking to others to fix the need and the pain inside of me. I have made wrong agreements, and I have allowed relationships with other people to get out of balance. Forgive me for having sought life-changing satisfaction and fulfillment from anyone other than You. You love me, and that fills me with great joy! In Your lovely name I receive that love now, Amen.


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