“My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.” (Ephesians. 3:14-19 MSG)

“I should have… You should have… They should not have... We should not have…” 

The “shoulds” in our brain can go on overload. These are just a few I hear frequently, “I should not have eaten dessert. I should exercise. I should spend less. I should go to church more. I should have been nicer. I should have studied more. I should not have dated him. I should be farther along in my career. I should not have said that. I should have worked harder. I should have chosen better.” 

This “magnificent Father.” His extravagant Love. Do I focus on God’s grace and extravagant love for me and my imperfections? Do I “should have or not have…” myself and others?

Shoulds cause anxiety! Shoulds swirl in our mind. All the while, God is patiently waiting for us to stop the swirl of “shoulds” and see ourselves the way He sees us. When Jesus was living on earth, He simply spoke truth. He did not place judgment or shame. He encouraged, He lifted up. So why are we should and should not have-ing our way through life? Why are we burdening ourselves and others with it?

Personally, when I get caught in a should have or should not have trap, I don’t live the best version of myself. I get grumpy and impatient. When I should myself, I become self-focused. When I should myself, I’m not productive. Should-ing doesn’t motivate me to change, but instead causes me to blame or give up. Should-ing doesn’t work! Should-ing steals my peace!

When the echo of “should have or not have” taunts us, may we instead choose to think of five things that give us joy. May we laugh at ourselves, instead of taking life so seriously. May we give ourselves the same grace that Jesus offers. May we say “stop!” to the voice of the shoulds, cover ourselves in grace, embrace life, and choose not to accept shoulds from others or our own mind. May we choose a verse about what God says about us to battle the should’ve, would’ve, could’ves. 

“Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” (Romans 10:11b NIV)

Self Reflection:

• What do I “should have or not have…” myself about?
• Is it helpful?
• What happens when the shoulds swirl in my brain?
• Do I believe that God is a magnificent Father? 

Prayer:

Jesus, I choose You and Your grace. I don’t think You “shoulded” people, yet You motivated them to transformation with Your truth and love. Help me to embrace the Love that You have for me. In Your name.


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